COLLUSIONI.ST

Right, so the authorities thwarted a terrorist plot where said terrorists were planning on using liquid explosives to blow up some airplanes, and now all liquids are banned from being carried on the plane.

A couple of things spring to mind.

• My eye doctor insists I use eye drops while flying, once an hour.
• Considering all the security measures thus far, and considering the ease at which security measures are breached, my being able to see is about the only thing banning all liquids from airplanes is going to stop.
• Please, universe, let’s all at once describe every possible method in which an airplane can be evaporated midflight. Not because terrorists haven’t already thought of it, but because if it happens to be that I’m on that flight, I’d like it to be a clever surprise.
• Solution: full gastrointestinal cleansing via wheat grass shots prior to flying, everyone flies nude, serious mouth inspections and a thrashing with reeds. Judges determine your level of nudeness acceptability and seat you with those of similar acceptability. No alarms, no surprises.
• Thinking more about the nudity and gel (which is a new thought entirely), everyone should just get cozy pods filled with some explosive proof gel. Don’t ask how it’d work, this should be plenty to get your mind figuring it out (take note, also, of the nudity acceptability class I’d be sitting in):